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Posts tagged ‘awakening’

Opening to Joy – The Path to Awakening

Buddhism is often accused of being pessimistic due to the focus on suffering as the entry to the path of self knowing. It´s cettainly true that what attacted me at the beguining was this acknowlegement that there was suffering. And for a long time that was my focus – how to be free from suffering through the freedom of Enlightnement. But in doing this I forgot what the Buddha also taught, which was that joy is here right now when we relax into the present moment. This weekend I am visiting a Cuban friend who lives in Hamburg and on the flight over was reading Thich Nhat Hahh´s book Breathe You Are Alive which is a reflection of the Buddha’s teaching on mindfulness. In this the Buddh talks about how as we bring our attetion to the body, feelings and thoughts and attend to the experience of the breath in our body we open to a deep joy. It is this joy that then supports the arising of insight and wisdom.

As I sit here using my friend´s computer there is Cuban music playing as he dances whilst he cooks. Listening to the music there is a feeling of joy that is uplifitng. And I´m struck that it was this quality that the Buddha spoke of as being part of the path to awakening. Not serious, introspective and severe reflection – but a lightening and opening through joy, bliss and rapture.

When I was ordained into the monastic tradition my name was Bodhinando, which translates as The Bliss of Awakening. There wasn´t much bliss in the person I was at that time! I was intense, serious and felt little joy. And I took the name as being a pointer and a challenge from my Abbot. That what needed to open in me was a heart full of  joy and bliss as exemplified by the founder of the lineage I was training in, Ajahn Chah.

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Welcoming is welcoming – not a clever way of fixing

How to rest into this state? One approach is exemplified in the teaching of opening to difficult emotions with a sense of curiosity. So often I can get lost in fighting these or looking for a way of escaping them. The mindfulness approach I learnt in the monastery was a patient allowing, a turning towards what is difficult, feeling it and knowing it. As Ajahan Sumedho, my Abbot, used to say “that which knows sadness is not sad”. Awareness of an emotion is simply awareness – it is not the emotion. It is like the sky knowing the clouds – it holds them, sees them for what they are but is never itself a cloud. This approach was highlighted by the being with difficulty meditation I learnt to teach as part of the 8 week MBCT course and a method of turning towards the difficult emotions I read in The Happiness Trap, an introduction to ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: to accept what is out of your personal control, while committing to action that will improve your quality of life) by Dr Russ Harris. In this he has a detailed meditation on how to turn towards difficulty by feeling it as the sensations in your body rather than as a thought, and then breathing into those sensations.

To listen to a version of this click here

The difficult emotions may then dissolve away, or they may not. The intention of welcoming them in is not that in so doing they will immediately fade away, otherwise welcoming would just be a more subtle part of the fixing agenda. They are welcomed because they are welcomed. They are what is here in this moment and this moment is as it is. To think it should be any other way is to say how it is right now is not the true me, not how life should be and is a mistake, and that at some future point in time when I no longer feel this I will then be who I should be and life will be as it is supposed to be.  In that way one could spend half of one’s life feeling that it is not one’s real life but a mistake, waiting for the real life to begin.

Letting go of preferences, letting go of wanting life to be like the happy advert we carry in our head of the perfect life, we can start to be with the life we have. And as I bring this compassionate embrace to my struggle, my pain and sorrow, then I start to feel a peace that is not dependent on feeling good. It’s a peace that is simply there, holding the struggle, blossoming in times of joy but not dependant on good fortune to exist. It is something we all know.  We have tasted it in those moments of allowing. We were much more familiar with it as children and it is something we now need to remember but once remembered feels familiar. And it is easy to forget, but the more often we wake up to it again the more it starts to be the default mode.

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Shifting from the Doing Mode to the Being Mode, from solutions to acceptance

This aspect of mindfulness may be described as acceptance and equanimity. It is the process of shifting from the Doing Mode that looks for solutions and answers – ‘’why am I anxious’’, ‘’what’s wrong with me’’, ‘’how do I stop this’’ – to the Being Mode that observes without judgement or fear. It is not acquiescence, detachment or dissociation but a wholehearted embracing of the present moment exactly as it is, noticing the thought that it should be different and then embracing this thought as well. This doesn’t mean that if we are ill, for example, we give up on the thought of being healthy. Instead of reacting to being ill with worry or anger and raging against it as we long for health at some point in the future we have an opportunity to become fully present to the experiences arising as a result of being ill: the physical and  emotional pain – the sadness, the wanting it to be different, the grief at lost time or opportunities. We then have an opportunity to embrace all of this in the present moment, whilst taking loving action for our own well-being.  As we accept things as they are this may open the mind to choices for healing that would have been lost sight of if one were only intent on getting away from the discomfort. In this way one dives into the heart of the difficult experience and may find a peace that was never touched by the illness that can then nourish one in the suffering of physical pain.

The more I trust this the more there is a feeling that whatever is here right now can be held. And in that way there is a deeper sense of contentment and peace. I hope that this encourages you to explore this in your own life and that the talk below from Jeff Foster gives you a feeling for this approach.

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Being a “mess in progress”

Last week I was reflecting on my past experience of social anxiety and I had several people contact me to say that it is something they experience and find difficult to cope with. One of the things that helped me was when a teacher – I think the same one who talked of being a mess in progress – told me not to worry too much what others were thinking about me….as people are generally spending more time thinking about what others are thinking about them than actually thinking anything about others! It seemed wonderfully ironic – that everyone is trapped in worrying about what others think of them, when in fact no-one is thinking of anything but how they are being seen!

The first Buddhist group I was involved with encouraged open and honest communication. And the result was that when I was in men’s groups we would be truly open about our thoughts, feelings and fears. It doesn’t take long to see that even the person who seems most confident is carrying some fear or difficulty. In fact it seems to be what unites us as humans. We might worry about our bodies or looks, but then people I know who work with cover models say they are just as concerned that they are not good enough!

In the end we can only find happiness when we feel a sense of confidence that is rooted in the present moment rather than how we ought to be. Being willing to be “a mess in progress” rather than fearing we are not perfect! I wanted to fix myself as a young man, to find Enlightenment and escape the feeling of loneliness and fear that seemed ever present. I’ve been lucky to meet teachers who point to the truth that what we look for is closer than our breath, that happiness and freedom is here, now and not something we have to strive to find. But it does take a moment of letting go. In Buddhist teachings it’s called coming home. Realising that we were always where we wanted to be but were too busy looking to realise. Every time we let go in the meditation and come back to ‘being’, resting our attention in the moment, on the breath, we come back to this stillness, peace and joy that is there all the time. It’s just that we so often forget to notice it, like a fish looking for water but never realising that which it seeks is all around and within.

The irony is that we often need to go on the journey, searching of our answer, for stillness, for confidence, to finally realise what we looked for was there all along. The journey simply enables us to recognise what it was we were overlooking.

As you feel yourself being pulled into whatever your negative stories might be, take a moment to stop and breathe, to reflect that this is simply the habitual patterns of the mind playing out, like an old film that we’ve seen so many times we think its real or a record with the needle stuck. Then sense what it is that is being aware of this, the stillness, the silence, the love and bliss in that awareness and trust that that is your true nature, not the confusion and struggle.

In ‘The Pilgrims Progress’ Pilgrim catches a glimpse of Heaven from a window in House Beautiful. After seeing it he knows what Heaven is and it is similar for us in those fleeting seconds of resting in pure awareness. We glimpse something that is true, for Buddhist teaching say that our true nature is unborn, uncreated and outside of time. Therefore there is nothing we have to do to find this peace and freedom. It simply ‘is’ and we can only let go into experiencing it when the whirling of the mind and the story of self disperses, like clouds dissolving away to reveal the magnificent and vast blue sky that was there all the time.

It’s this that my teachers were alway inviting me to experience and I trust that as I learn to let go more freely then it will not be a cold emptiness that receives me but a warm and loving fullness of being.

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